Crazy cruise: 7 absurdities of the seas

Air deviation fees
When you buy a cruise, most travel experts recommend booking your airline tickets at the same time, since you’re more protected if you miss a connection. “But you have no idea what your flights are going to be, nor what they will cost,” says Peter Mescher, a computer engineer from Raleigh, N.C. “When the cruise line reveals your itinerary, if you don’t like it, you call them and pay an air deviation fee.”

Even then, you don’t necessarily get the flight you want, but instead choose from a basket of possible itineraries, some of which may still have inconvenient connections.

Why bother with a deviation fee? Part of it is the money, but part of it is the perception that you’ll be better off booking an “air inclusive” cruise if you miss the boat. But is the money you save worth the hassle, or are you better off buying the airline tickets yourself and finding a good vacation insurance policy that would help you if you had to cancel or get delayed? Probably not.

The cruise contract
If you thought airline contracts were bad, check out a cruise contract. They seem to be written by a team of maritime lawyers who want to take your money and give you nothing in return.

Think I’m kidding? Reader Melissa Aakre just returned from a cruise to Jamaica and the Cayman Islands. “On the first day at sea, we were told that the ship had a propulsion problem and that we were not going fast enough to get us to Jamaica, and that they were hoping we could get to Grand Cayman,” she recalls. “On day three we were told we would only make it to Nassau, Bahamas, which is just 90 miles from Miami.” What did she get for the missed port? A $75 credit.

The cruise line should have refunded her port fees, but a review of her cruise contract — the legal agreement between her and her cruise line — shows it didn’t owe her much more than that. It had no obligation to keep her advertised schedule. The contract is full of other clauses and traps that you should familiarize yourself with before you set sail.

Jewelry and art sales
Smart cruisers stay as far away from onboard jewelry seminars as possible.

Look out for art auctions, too. “These events are tagged as educational seminars that also include tip sheets on where to buy while in port, and on some cruise lines includes a ‘buyer’s guarantee’ that is supposed to help the passenger with refunds in the event that they are unhappy with the purchase,” says Jacci Dewdney of Advanced Jewelry Appraisals in Des Moines. “What continues to amaze and frustrate me is that passengers either are not told, or do not understand, that the jewelry stores on the list have paid a premium to be listed, and are essentially paying the cruise line to funnel passengers to them.”

Unfortunately, travelers are often caught up in the romance of the moment, and feel a false sense of security because of the cruise line’s guarantee, adds Dewdney. When they get home, they realize that their jewelry is worth less than they thought and that the cruise line is unwilling to help.

These absurdities are enough to make you rethink your next cruise vacation, aren’t they? But if you decide to cruise, you might consider a few preventative measures that will ensure you don’t get the short end of the stick.

After all, it’s a cruise. And there’s something for everyone.